CoPilots - TV Writers Talk TV Pilots | Comedians, Actors, and Writers Reviewing TV Episodes
Longtime comedy TV writers and occasional friends Sean Conroy and Andy Secunda discuss great, weird, and forgotten TV pilots.
Produced by Kevin McNulty
CoPilots - TV Writers Talk TV Pilots | Comedians, Actors, and Writers Reviewing TV Episodes
2 - POOCHINSKI Good Cop Bad Puppet
Andy shows Sean one of his favorite failed pilots, and they struggle to understand how this piece of history came into being.
Where to find the show:
Poochinski is sadly only available in full via YouTube uploads.As of fall 2023, this link worked (YouTube)
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Hosted by
Sean Conroy (IG, Twitter, TikTok)
Andy Secunda (IG, Twitter)
Produced by Agustin Islas
Comedy Writers, TV Review, Funny Reviews, Entertainment, UCB Improv, Fun Reviews, Pilot Writing, Pilot Episode, First Episode, TV Writing, Comedian Reviews
Hey everybody, welcome to CoPilots. I am Sean Conroy and I'm Andy Secunda. On this podcast, we talk about TV pilots, the first episodes of television shows. Sometimes pilots become long running series. Others don't make it past that first episode. We're going to talk about all of them. The great pilots, the bad pilots, weird pilots, the forgotten pilots. We are TV writers, but it should be noted that we are the dumbest TV writers, you know, so all of these are just our dumb opinions. So dumb. so we are talking about television pilots and the pilot we're here to talk about today is Pochinki, which was a pilot which aired, July 9th, 1990, making it a cancer.
Andy:birthdate. What are cancer qualities? Are they low budget? Are they Oh, is that
Sean:what it's, yeah. Yeah. So which comes through in the pilot. Sure, sure. Uh, there's some truthfully sentimental parts in addition to the hilarity that ensues. Yeah. Um, and just to give people some, some context, and this is really not at all, any context with where American culture was at the time. The number one pop music song in the country was step by step from New Kids on the Block. Were you a, a new kids on the Block
Andy:fan? I mean, you, you couldn't not have heard that or been aware of it, but I don't know that I, you know, went out and bought the albums. You were not into N K OT into sets? No.
Sean:Yeah, I don't think I was either. I think, uh, I was a more of a 98 degrees guy myself.
Andy:Sure. He's wearing a 98 degrees shirt right
Sean:now. Yep. And it's, I have the thermostat up to 98 degrees as well.
Andy:That's right. Which is, I gotta say very uncomfortable, but it's warm. It's warm, but he's committed. Yep.
Sean:so Bachinski is Estr pilot. Let's just put that on the table. Certainly. It's, it's bizarre. And I'm curious to know who the people are, who, who came up with all this stuff.
Andy:well, uh, first of all, I'm curious if you have heard of this, because I, it, it's a legendary, legendary pilot and usually thought to be a legendarily terrible pilot. I haven't aired, which is interesting. until you brought it up. Okay. I've definitely been talked about by many television writers that I know and, played in the, the, the Goldberg's, writer's Room by Adam, the showrunner you work on who's obsessed with it. I no longer work on Goldberg's cuz it's, I did work on Goldberg's. Now it's been canceled. So, yes, I write my own fan fiction about Goldberg's, but I no longer work on the show. I'm sorry, I brought it up in partial. You're heat that's affecting my brain. You're a classic salt rubber in Wounder, which is not good when
Sean:you're sweating as much as we
Andy:are right now. Certainly you can't just take it down to at least 90, 90 degrees. All right.
Sean:There's no, there's no band called
Andy:90 degrees. That's true. anyway, so I'd heard about it. we'd watched it It's just, it was insane. and uh, the one thing that's fascinating to me is that it aired like. Not only did they, it's amazing enough that they shot it. but beyond that, that they were like, you know what? Let's, let's throw that on the schedule. We got a down moment. Let's see if any this, this, connects with anybody. It feels like
Sean:they already knew it was not picked up when the pilot aired, because if the pilot had been picked up, they would've made more
Andy:episodes. Right? It was just them burning it off, which is
Sean:why it aired in the summer. That was back in the time when they had stuff in the summertime that wasn't important.
Andy:Right. so it must have been like, eh, who knows? It's got a lot of elements. It could apply, it could, it could appeal to kids. It, which is part of the issue with the pilot is just like, who are you making this for? and, uh, I don't, I, there there's no, I, as, as always, if you're an executive who's working at 20th Century Fox at the time, if you're someone who has some background information on how this came to pass, feel free to reach out to us. Love to know, the only thing that's, that's call our tip line candy and Sean, uh, that's not the tip line and we're not going to spend to get it, but I'm sure there'll be email information at the end of the show. when we finally get our act together. Uh, first of all, I love that it's, it's says Teleplay. I love an old teleplay. Nothing
Sean:better than a teleplay. That's a very specific amount of money that somebody got paid to do that.
Andy:It's very classy sounding. And it was written by Lon Diamond, whose biggest claim to fame is he was a co-creator on Parker Lewis Can't Lose, which w interestingly, Aired in September, 1990. So he was
Sean:a, this was a busy time for lunch.
Andy:So that makes me think. Do you think that he had a deal and was like, they were like, give him everything, right? And then this was, this was the one that went the way it went
Sean:because he wants to do then, well, he gave us this other
Andy:thing, we gotta let him do that. But Parker Lewis can't lose aired after this compared, if you're, what you're saying is it aired in July. Right? So that means they made it probably the season before Uhhuh And then while he was waiting to hear whether keep working, keep working on, look, this, we know that Bachinsky is gonna be a hit that's a given. or while they were, he was waiting to find out if that got picked up. He already had this in progress and or they bought the next thing. And well, it's
Sean:also possible that he made this and he was waiting to hear whether it got picked up or not. And then he had another idea and he was like, this is so much better. I hope to God. Budinski doesn't get picked up because I want to make Parker Lewis can't lose. And then when it didn't get picked up, he was relieved.
Andy:It's possible. Do you, have you ever I've actually never seen, to my knowledge, an episode. Louis can't lose. Yes. Have you? No, I have not.
Sean:I don't even really know what it was. Kevin, our producer, camera producer, shaking his head no. Since he's about 12 years old, of course he doesn't know
Andy:Parker Lewis can't lose. apologies to fans of Parker Lewis can't lose. it's possible we, uh, we might do it on the show at some point. Who knows.
Sean:it's a million ways this could go. Did we get picked up? By the
Andy:way, I'm still waiting to hear. Brian Levant, uh, wrote it with him. he wrote on The Bad News Bears TV show, not the movie, which I actually watched because I love the movie so much that I ignored the fact that the TV show was, you Love not quite as good the original movie. I love the original movie and the sequel Benness Bears and breaking training. I was did not Bad News Bears Go to Japan. I watched it. Mm-hmm. it was a little bit more of a tough watch, right?
Sean:Yeah. And what about the Billy Bob Thornton reboot of Bad News Bears?
Andy:I watched it not as much of a fan as, the original I was obsessed with. They didn't have as much fun with the alcoholism in the, in the reboot. no. No. it just wasn't, we don't need to litigate the, the reboot of bad news Bears. Anybody out there
Sean:is Billy Baum Thornton, please call the tip line one
Andy:800 show Tell us what your favorite pilot is. so, Brian Levon also, uh, worked on Mark and Mindy Happy Days. Uh, you know, and then he has movie credits, more, you know, in keeping with this show Problem, child Two, Beethoven, Flintstones, jingle all the way, all sort of seem like they're more in the spirit of Bachinski. although obviously far more successful. And, the story was written by David Kersner who did the, story for American Tale. And then he was very successful in children's properties and, uh, Lon Diamond. So Lon Diamond is, is the visionary in the rough? He's,
Sean:well, no, not the rough. He's, and he's not a diamond, he's the
Andy:centerpiece. Right. The guy, the yes to the, the pivot man, the sun to everybody else's planet. Exactly. Mm-hmm. and also, it's also possible, and tell me what you think about this, Sean. That there's so many names attached to the script, that possibly there was a fight for credits over this pilot. Absolutely. Which is, which would be hilarious. Who wouldn't fight for cricket on People
Sean:were This is a name that will live an injury. I want mine
Andy:attached. I, I don't know what YouTube is yet, but when it finally is invented, I'm certain that everyone,
Sean:although the, although the copy that I watched on YouTube only had about 40,000 views, so I was kind of surprised that it wasn't
Andy:That's interesting. Yeah. Um, maybe I was, maybe there's like a bunch
Sean:of'em.
Andy:So. I wonder if Kubrick style, uh, Lon Diamond continually has it pulled from YouTube to keep those numbers low, to erase his early work before Parker Lewis Uhhuh See, we can't connect the dots on his creative growth. it was directed by Will Mackenzie, who had some W O K R P in Cincinnati's. A ton of new hearts had 36 s of, uh, family ties. You also had something called Room for Two. Have you ever heard of that with Patricia Heaton? No. And Linda Lavin, which was, were they the two? I can't guarantee. Yeah. No. Yes, they were, they were, because it's about a woman whose mother moves in with her, I believe Laven moves in with, and then they have to work on a television show together, I think is the concept. Well, it was basically
Sean:Frazier, but for TV
Andy:is, was Frazier not for tv?
Sean:Well, Frazier was for tv, but it was, sorry, it's Frazier, but about tv. Yes,
Andy:yes. Correct, yes. Instead of about Razer. Right. except it has the extra, I think Frazier
Sean:was originally written for the stage
Andy:It certainly has that vibe. so in it obviously, the great. George Newborn, as the young cop. Uh, he's young, he's newborn what's gonna happen when he is old. He's older now. old died. still around, still working that guy. Well that's what's amazing. He's been steadily working since 86. Um, he had a running long-running part on Scandal. as a nerd. The thing that I know him as the most is he was the voice of Superman in the Justice League cartoon, which I was kind of surprised at cuz it does not sound like he has the same voice. and he was fantastic in that really, really, great performance. Superman, not an easy part to, to make interesting and nail down. And
Sean:I, I, I also had an argument with somebody last night while I was watching it. Who, and it wasn't really an argument cause I knew I was right. So I was just like, okay, we can look it up. And I'm right. But this person who was younger was very convinced that this was the guy who had started mannequin, which of course was Andrew McCarthy. McCarthy. Right. And this guy really is like a low rent Andrew McCarthy. Like, he looks like him. His hair is the
Andy:same. I think that George newborn would, would bristle it. That, characterization, I, I think he prefers to think of his newborn. Please call the tip I would love to hear from George Newborn, do something newborn or newborn. Newborn. You were correct with your pun. Uh, I think, I like to think of George Newborn as the thinking man's Andrew McCarthy. You're far more complicated than I am And finally, obviously, it stars Peter Boyle legendary Peter Boyle, friends of Ed Coyle, taxi driver, young Frankenstein, working through to a nine year run on everybody Loves Raymond, just perpetual, beloved and just impressive, character actor.
Sean:By the way, have you watched Friends of Eddie Coyle recently? Yes. I, I just can't recommend that movie highly enough. It's
Andy:so wonderful. It's an incredible
Sean:movie that I don't think a lot of people even are aware of.
Andy:That's one of those movies that I saw too young and I was like, this is slow. Where are the shoot him ups, what's going on? And now I watch it and I'm like, this is the greatest movie that ever existed. so the interesting thing to me is, sort of figuring out, cuz it's right in the middle of his career and you could kind of track Peter Boyle from sort of this, you know, se mid seventies, you know, success just thing after thing that has become legendary. And then you go through the eighties and there's certainly hits in success and he's working as a character actor. and it's sort of. Right. He Kind of feels, and it's interesting he landed on, everybody Loves Raymond because obviously that's a working actor's dream, um, which he was incredible in. he kind of feel like maybe around Bachinski he is looking for like, I'd like to get a, you know, a big paycheck. Yes. A lot of work. Right. I've been working as a Charact actor for a while. I'd like to, I wanna
Sean:be the top dog, which, you
Andy:know, you were on, on Pun fire. I can't help myself. Um, so, that's basically the setup, of this show it's about a cop that gets run over and becomes a dog. That's it in a nutshell. Yes. That is what Bachinski is.
Sean:so let's, let's talk about the show. Shall we? Let's, okay. We open on a view of, I'm assuming it's Chicago. Am I right about that? This all takes place in
Andy:Chicago. I believe that there was something in it, and I can't remember the specific that pointed it toward New York, even though it's clearly shot in la. Right. and I don't remember what the specific was.
Sean:so I was confused the whole time, aspo as to where we were supposed to be. But anyway, it's an aerial shot. Yeah. And we just
Andy:hear, oh, if there was an aerial shot, then that's, that's something I, I didn't recognize. Oh, okay. It was okay. I,
Sean:I, I, for some reason I thought they said something. Oh. Because when he, and spoiler, I'm gonna get to something later on.
Andy:if you, if you want Sean to tell you the story of every show we cover, this is probably not the podcast for you,
Sean:but when he gets hit by the car, he gives the guy the tickets that he has in his pocket and it's for a Cubs game. So I assume you're
Andy:right, it's Chicago. Chicago, yes. Okay. I think there was, but I think there may have been something that conflicted, that made it New York in it, but I could be wrong. Other
Sean:thing is, his name is Bachinski. Mm-hmm. And I feel like that's, you know, come on, Polish people live in Chicago, right? You
Analogue 1 + 2 (Focusrite USB Audio) - 1-1:know,
Andy:like it's very Bachinski. A classic Polish name. Polish name, Eastern
Sean:European,
Andy:speaking address, right off the top. The name Bachinski. Yeah you have your concept. Do you think, do you think it's like the name Bachinski, and then you're like, that's a great name for something. What, what is it about? It's about a guy. Is it, does he call the dog Bachinski and it's his partner does it? Or is it just you? He came up with the concept of a cop gets killed, becomes a dog. What should the cop's name be? Bachinsky. That's the
Sean:way it goes. It goes like, okay, so the cop's name is O'Brien and he becomes resurrected in the body of a dog. Right? You're I get it, but I don't get the name. You know? And then it becomes like, we gotta drive home this point.
Andy:do you think there was even a second of hesitation on, is Bachinsky a normal enough name that it, it's not this crazy coincidence that you're both having the guy be named Bachinsky and have the, have him resurrected as a dog
Sean:up? I think somebody was like, this seems too coincidental. Uhhuh It's crazy that a guy named Bachinsky. becomes a pooch.
Andy:This is a case where I, in my head, am begging for network notes. And I wonder if it was like, as soon as they saw a draft of this, they were like, this is insane. I'm not even bothering giving notes on it. They gave notes, but you know, whoever it was, Lon Diamond was like, how dare you suggest that my precious words even a, even, even one of them should be changed. Like what happened.
Sean:Right. you wanna make his name Okine? I walk, the name is Pochinki. But I do think there's like a weird Yeah, it just was, it's it's a strange name. It's a strange coincidence. so anyway, we're on an aerial shot and all we hear is voices. Mm-hmm. And one of'em is Peter Boyle's voice, which is significant because that's, all he's gonna do after this episode is voice acting. Yes. So they're establishing how hilarious his voice is right from the
Andy:beginning. And I, I would say I'm not familiar with Peter Boyle's other voice work. I'm sure he is done a lot of cartoons and such. I would say, and, and granted maybe this is, you know, it's, this is a pilot, it's honestly, it doesn't even seem like it's a finished pilot. It seems like it was midway through post when they pulled it. but I do wonder, he doesn't seem like he's, of all, of all his tremendous skills that he had, it didn't seem like he was, that skilled in the, in the voiceover department. Right. It seemed like every line is him just reading off something and not taking, not giving them another, read a lot of nuance
Sean:to the character of the dog. No. I agree. but we hear him talking to the dispatcher. Mm-hmm. he's very excited by the dispatcher. And the dispatcher tells us she's heard all about Bachinski and then we get to the first joke of the pilot
Andy:Yes.
Sean:Joking quotes about him on the
Andy:bathroom wall. Yes. And this is, this sets the tone. This tells us what kind of world we're gonna be living in. We know
Sean:where we're going. the bar. The bar has been lowered to the floor. Yes. because you really want to have a joke right out of the box that's gonna knock people's socks off or make them realize you didn't even write original jokes for this piece of material. You're just using, like, you might as well have said your mother wears combat boots as the first You know, or like, why did the chicken cross the road that was upsetting to see. And I also, I did enjoy that they set the tone with some very sexy. Jazz music right from the beginning.
Andy:It's very, it's interesting how 1990, this, it could not be more 1990, because it touches both cop cliches, comedy cliches, musical cliches. It's really a, an intoxicating elixir of things that had been done before.
Sean:My understanding is that episode two was gonna feature a bank robbery, and the gang that robbed the bank was gonna be N K O tb, just to really 1990s, phenomenon. Uh, so, so we're at a crime scene. People have just been robbed. and here's the second joke of the pilot. Mm-hmm. is, what took you so long? Was there a long line at Mr. Donuts? So it's. We start with, I read all about you on the bathroom wall, and then the second joke is,
Andy:cops, cops like donuts. Yeah. I mean, I certainly can't, I can't disagree with you, but I do have to say they're at least building, you know, the world of there's a Mr. Donuts, you know? Right. The same way that Tarantino would, you know, have jackrabbit slims and, you know, and, the big Kauna burger, you know, it's like, oh, Mr. Donuts, you're really filling out the world. Which episode do we get to? I mean, that's a, I'm sure we did a whole episode inside Mr. Donut. I'm sure that's the kind of, that's the kind of groundbreaking TV that would've happened had they given this show a chance. So we find
Sean:out that these two guys have been working together for a month. They're new, they're new
Andy:partners. There is one small thing Yeah. That I just wanted to address before we move past that, which is, the criminal is a, a male Caucasian, medium size and build. And I actually, and it's interesting that then the scene we're gonna see next is more criminals. Even though I'll Beit Children that are also Caucasian. And I'm like, you know what? Good for them. Or do you think it's just like, is it not good for them? It's that they were so committed to the lack of diversity in this show.
Sean:I have to say, I'm not willing to give them credit making the criminals white. I think it was just
Andy:because they were like, say for the time. It seems like they certainly would've leaned toward the most cliche, you know, white perspective.
Sean:Absolutely. But also it. Teddy's son wants to be in this. Can we give him a part?
Andy:That is certainly what that kid criminal, I mean, it seems like Teddy's son came in, you know, from the suburbs wearing his bright blue windbreaker and they, they didn't even send him to wardrobe. They just like gave him a switch blade and then he was a criminal.
Sean:Picturing the guy who was in the switch blade lesson before that scene. no, you're just gonna press the button and the knife is No, no, no. Don't hold it that close to your face. You're gonna press the button. Come on kid. You can get this teddy tell your son not to hold the thing so close to his face. so then, yeah, so then we're in the scene where, where, Bachinski is buying himself a hot dog and he sees these kids messing with a dog, which by the way is one of the triad of signs of becoming a serial killer. Like those kids were clearly on their way to.
Andy:Being serial killer. Yeah. Kicking an offscreen dog behind some boxes is definitely the gateway uh, to crime.
Sean:Yeah, that's what John Wayne Casey. All right. so he stops them from abusing the dog, pulls his gun on these kids and they decide that he's crazy and they run
Andy:away. Yeah. They decide because he's threatening 10 year old children with a gun, with a, with a gun, insisting that it is loaded. He does Not sure if it's loaded, remember if he's loaded or not, because implying that he is going to empty it on the children. so if you're a, if you are a child and you're tuning in to see the cute dog, you know, this is the first thing that you're gonna find out about this char. Well, the second thing you're gonna find out at the Charact, cause the first thing you find out about the character is he gets outta the car. It's interesting how it's even shot like the shot of Peter Boyle, his introduction to the show is from behind in a way. Yes. Yeah. And then he sort of
Sean:walks, doesn't look like he's actually, like, it looks like they did the lines in post, like they 80 yarded his lines. They didn't even give him an entrance that fit his character.
Andy:No. and his first thing is, let's wrap this up, huh? I, I can't, can't listen to this talk anymore. So it's not even this guy in our guy. It's not, it's just, I, I don't want to hear this cop stuff. I don't wanna listen to this witness talk about the crime.
Sean:This witness stuff drives me up
Andy:though. Oh,
Sean:I saw a crime. Heard it. Pow.
Andy:So it's just we establish immediately our main character isn't, is a bad cop. Not in the corrupt cop sense, would be a little bit more interesting, but just a disinterested cop. Right?
Sean:And he's more interested in the
Andy:dispatcher. What you wanna establish in your character, right up top is a lack of wants,
Sean:so, so he handles the situation with the stray dog very well. He then relates to the dog. he gives the dog part of his hot dog. He bites the hot dog himself, then shares and he relates the dog because he says ugly and all alone. I know how that feels. Yes. So we have
Andy:sympathy for this character. Yes. Even though we immediately sell that out. next. because he shows a picture of the lady to, to George nor newborn. That is the new, his latest as he says.
Sean:Well, you, you work in vice, you meet a lot of weird women, you
Andy:know, So that's, so, so there's a prostitute basically. Yes. And there are many things like this, even after he becomes a dog. Wherein I'm saying, are you saying that you pressured with your status of prostitute? or are you saying that you just met the prostitute and you're in a legitimate situation with her? Like,
Sean:and I think later on, I can't remember when it is, but there's a moment where he talks about what good times they had and what they used to do together, and it was arm wrestle.
Andy:So that was when he's having his big moment of crisis as, what do you say, the dog, he is bachinsky, so you can't even say his Bachinsky. So as the dog. yes. So he's, he they, this is, this is the biggest thing about this pilot and you, it's so hard to pick. Well, this is where, this is why they didn't pick it up. This is where it went off the rail. This is where it went off the rails. It's the thing's admirable about it is it's off the rails from the beginning and somehow it never stops going off the rails, even though it's off the rails. It's, it's
Sean:very far off the rails to start with, and it gets farther and farther as it goes along.
Andy:there's never a thing that the Bachinski character does that is consistent with the thing that he has just done. So he is just saying, yeah, ugly and alone. Hey, here's my lady. It's really hard. Just met her and vice, you know what I'm saying? Then later, yeah, we had really special times together. We really connected when we arm wrestled, when we arm wrestled.
Sean:So then we're back at the station. Yeah. We meet, the other, the sort of opponent cop, I don't know
Andy:the lieutenant. No, no, no. Oh, yes. Shrever, the low rent Biff
Sean:from Back to the Future. Yes, yes. Sergeant Shrever, a very, a very good topical joke, because we know that Sergeant Schreiber founded the Peace Corps in 1960. Yeah. And ran for president in 1972, and it's now 1990. So lots of people, Sergeant
Andy:Ha. Yes. And his joke is, what is it?
Sean:It's we finally found somebody to kiss or something like that.
Andy:yeah. Finally. Yeah. Finally get someone to kiss you. So that's, that's his big joke. And then his comeback is, Hey, Shrier, don't let the word get around. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'd be unfaithful to your
Sean:wife. Right. and it doesn't even totally track that joke. Doesn't a hundred percent make
Andy:sense. No, it's, these are all, they're not even first thought jokes. They're like, you didn't complete the thought and you wrote it down. They're, it's also placeholder jokes. It's also
Sean:possible that it was taken from like, cause I had a book when I was a kid called Jokes, puns and riddles, and it was just all street jokes. Uhhuh And it's possible that this was taken from a book like that, but slightly reworded.
Andy:to make it organic. That's, it doesn't make sense. Yeah. You know, I can always make the word
Sean:get around. I don't want people to think I'm unfaithful to your wife.
Andy:Like what, what's interesting is it's not light on attempts at jokes. It is an astonishingly laugh. Less pilot. Yeah.
Sean:Well, but not for lack of trying. I mean, these were supposed to be funny moments, right. I mean, I, I feel this in some sitcom rooms that there's a certain amount of Stockholm syndrome where people are like, yeah, the show's going great. Mm-hmm. do you think that there were people in that room who were like, yes, the thing about being unfaithful to his wife is fucking gold That's stink.
Andy:Double check. Well, that I'd love to know is if, Lon Diamond and, and, David Kersner or Brian Levant were even in the same room together. Cuz I don't think this got to a room. I think that this would never got past pilot, but they would really love to know if it was just like, just bring Levant in. He, you know, maybe he can punch this up. Or, you know, David Kirshner maybe stormed off, you know, in the story process. Like, I would love to know how that broke down.
Sean:they called, they called Levant, the joke, patter, downer, um, So then he goes in to see the captain, and this is where we get to another great comedy bit. McKay wants to be reassigned.
Andy:the captain of course played by the great Frank mc McRay, who you might, argue there. I'm sure there there're examples prior to 48 hours. But that to me is the quintessential shouting police lieutenant, right? Like the, just the perfected version of it organically played. And he just nails it in that so much so that they bring him back, obviously in the sequel and then in Loaded Weapon, one and in last action. Here he is playing exactly the same part to parody his own character.
Sean:when you are good at something specific in Hollywood, you will work forever if
Andy:people like it. Still looking for my first thing, I
Sean:mean, look at Ernest. He goes to camp, he goes, I mean he's,
Andy:you know, that's true. We gotta send this guy other places. Yeah.
Sean:So, but anyway, we get to this great joke of like, now he has this dog captain and I don't wanna be with him anymore. No, he's great. He breaks, wind constantly. The dog, no, kinsky.
Andy:So, and I would say even for that, for the, for the badness of that joke, Frank McRay just, he doesn't lean on it too much. He's just like the dog. Yeah. He just underplays it. doesn't, doesn't make it funny, but it does make it less painful.
Sean:It, it's such a specific, like we have to set up the punchline right. Kind of line from him because why wouldn't he think it was the dog? Why would he question that? Right. He would never ask that question. but we have the set up that it's not, and this is where we also find out about Puskis great record that he has captured both the North Hill strangler and the post office bomber. And
Andy:this is where you get into, again, going back to the inconsistency, see, I feel like I am the idiot in dissecting the inconsistency in the Sergeant Stanley Kinski character. But, yeah, as Sean says, he's,
Sean:there's lots he could learn from Stanley Bachinski,
Andy:right? He caught the post office bomber. He, he caught the North Hill strangler. So they're setting him up as like, this is a legendary great cop. We've already seen him dismissive of witnesses be a terrible cop. There is no indication of a, well, he's hit a point in his life where he is lost his, you know, and it's, look, it's 21 minutes, so you're in a rush. You gotta get a bunch of stuff done. You can't just be all exposition So, but it's like, even if you're gonna set up, like he's one of those characters you know, like Miyagi, where it's like, oh, he's, you know, he's making Daniel's son, you know, shaak defense. But really he's teaching him defense. And you find that out later. That's not, there's no twist.
Sean:Are you saying that this is one of those rare pilots that would've benefited from more exposition?
Andy:I'm saying if you're going to say he's a disinterested bad cop in the first scene, and then you're going to say he's a legendary cop in the second scene, there should be at least some scene where you go, this is the reason for that contradiction. Right. And there never is. But it was in the Bible, but all the explanation. Yeah. Yeah. and then, Lon Diamond was like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna cram this exposition down there throat. We wanna let it breathe. Communicate it with a look.
Sean:At the end of the season one, you find out that the North Hill strangler was actually his ex-wife, and that's why he's gone downhill as the,
Andy:he's actually a murderer. He's not a,
Sean:okay. So the captain says, no, you're gonna work.
Andy:That actually would be more consistent with his perspectives on women in this pilot
Sean:and then we're, we're on a stakeout right in the car, which we know because McKay says we're on a stakeout several minutes into the scene. Sure. You have to. They're just sitting in a car and you're like, oh, are they having trouble hanging out?
Andy:Parking, right?
Sean:Yeah. Are they at a drive-in movie? No, they're on a stakeout. Do they
Andy:both live in this car? We could be. We don't know. We also know he either on a stakeout because the plea, he's delivery guy You guys on a stakeout first son. Just the biggest performance ever. Hey, you guys on a stakeout? Yeah. Just like, and I assume the joke there is, if you're on a stakeout, you don't want someone blowing your cover. It is not played that way other than his performance. There's no punchline. They don't seem uncomfortable. also I
Sean:figured that, you know, in my head I wanna see the short film where that guy has been going from car to car filled with people and going, you guys on a stakeout? And they're like, Now we live in this car And he's like, oh, it's not for you guys.
Andy:Um, he also gets a tip and then acts like a newsy who is like, just wow, thanks Mista and
Sean:of course, how could we forget that it is the great shrimp and pineapple?
Andy:Is it a again, like that's you're in the room, like, well, it's something he's unhappy with. Should we put something that people, you know, don't like on pizzas or No buffalo wings? Yeah. No, no. Something funnier. What's funnier than that? What's funnier? Pizza's. Funny word, right? No, I mean, he'll have the pizza, but what's is it like, should he put some kind of, chicken on it or, uh, how about some kind of peppermint,
Sean:peppermint patties and food. A
Andy:peppermint patties dog food pizza. No, that's too crazy. Not
Sean:right. You're right, you're right. I'm gonna go take a walk and cool off
Andy:Uh, so shrimp and pineapple. Turns out Kinsky doesn't like that. He's like, what am
Sean:I, a health food nut? Because of course shrimp might not
Andy:There's no line, no line connects to the previous line, what is happening. Give them a health food joke,
Sean:okay. So then they get into an argument and while they're arguing, of course there is a robbery at the ATM across the street. And this is where the action kicks into high gear.
Andy:Yes. almost confusingly. So yeah, the fact that they, they, it's like, oh, we're also gonna do a straight action show. Well, and within
Sean:seconds they're so far away from each other that they can only communicate by radio. Yes. McCaig chases the guy, and Bachinski says, don't be a hero because you know, that's what you. You're chasing an ATM robber.
Andy:did it strike you at all that their arch villain is a, an at? Well, it's certainly that, and also it's nice to see, Robert Evans get back into acting in 1990 Um, but, uh, going to take your money. Is that something that I remember when I held up that woman at the a t m, was it unfair? Yes. That's when I finally lost Allie for good. I did but, so it's, it's, it's that weird street level crime and the a ATM robber then goes to steal a car. He is a very ambitious, unless he had it stashed. What
Sean:was your, I didn't even think about That he was stealing a car. I just thought that was his getaway car. Either
Andy:way is very ambitious. It's
Sean:important because he's got a getaway car in a parking lot near the atm. Right. And he robs the person at the atm and then there's enough time and distance between that happening while McKay is shooting at him and missing. Yes. That Kinski sets up a roadblock. Right. That's the end of the sequence is that it's not a chase, it's that he is able to put his car across the road, get out of the car stand, across the hood at, with his gun raised the way you would if you were standing at a roadblock.
Andy:Bachinski, if I'm not mistaken, is also already in the car when the foot chase is happening.
Sean:Yes. and he does that thing, which I, I don't know if this is a real thing in real life, but I'm always fascinated by it where he pulls out a, a light and puts it on top of the car. Like, is that a thing that really cops do? they have, uh, uh, unmarked cars and then they have in the glove compartment, there's just a
Andy:siren light on it. It definitely exists, but whether it's, uh, it's certainly most well known from Starsky and Hutch. Right. So, I don't know how consistent it is, but, uh, the other thing that's sort of interesting, I don't know if you noticed it, is when Bachinsky is getting in his car, you don't see Peter Boyle. There's more bad adr. Is that because they were like, oh, we didn't shoot this, or Peter Boyle was, wasn't available.
Sean:We had a second unit that didn't know how to. Do their job And they got the, they got the rushes back to the room and they were like, what the fuck guys?
Andy:Sean's always ready to blame. Second unit, I
Sean:don't care for those people. there's a reason they're second unit. They were any good. They'd be first unit. And by the way, if you're on a second unit somewhere, please call our tip line. but yeah, then we get into the roadblock again, more shooting. He's trying to stop this guy. And then something terrible happens, a huge tragedy, which is that the dog gets in the way of
Andy:the car Now, do you remember how he, they even get out of the car. Does the dog run out? Does it get smashed? somehow they, he's back out of the car. I mean, dogs can just jump out the window. I mean, that is certainly true.
Sean:They're very good at escaping.
Andy:and Peter Boyle rushes up seemingly to protect the dog from the car, although, I don't know how picking it up is going to protect either of them. Only cushions the blow in a sense. He doesn't even really turn around to have the, the car hit his back though. It's right. Cuz that would be a bad shot, even though it would be more logical. Here's one interesting thing. Up until now, it looks like the whole thing cost, you know,$8,000, like the entire pilot. Right. this stunt,
Sean:it is the most graphic,
Andy:the most network television, this animatronic dog clearly aiming for kids, these rockus dumb jokes and suddenly horrific
Sean:body thought from a car hitting it full speed into another car, smashing the window.
Andy:Just horrific. It's so violent
Sean:and weird. When I saw it the first time, again, it's a different show in that moment from everything that's happened before that. It's
Andy:very strange. Yeah.
Sean:but he survives briefly.
Andy:Yes. That surprised me. Yeah. I mean, basically because of that stunt, I was like, why he still alive? If
Sean:you know anything about horrific car accidents, somebody would normally be dead in that situation. Right. But he lives, and that's where he says the thing about. and I guess this was a gag line. I don't know. What do you think was behind this? Where he goes in my wallet, two Cubs tickets, right? Take a date or better yet, see what you can get for
Andy:them. So like take a date is I'm dead. See what you can get for them is give me the money.
Sean:I don't know. That's what confused me. Like why does he care at
Andy:this point is the idea he thinks he's gonna survive, but he's not gonna make it to the Cubs game. I'm not sure. It's just one of at least 30 jokes that make no sense. We need
Sean:something after he says take a date. We need another line after we don't have time. We do. We have plenty of time. We need another line. What if he says take a date or give them to a friend? Uhhuh
Andy:How does that help the first line? Take a date
Sean:or
Andy:auction them off. I mean, none of these really sing to me. Take
Sean:a date or see what
Andy:you can get for them. That's the one. That's the one we did it guys. Everybody go home. Whoa, And then we go into this weird nineties mystical music and these ultra closeups
Sean:of, right. And so what was going on there? There was like wind. I mean, I didn't know if it was
Andy:just a, well, that's like classic to me of this era, like something mystical, like blowing newspapers, mystical music. They have real weird, like dissolves into closeups of the dog's eyes and boils eyes. But it's like what? I mean, I assume in series they would've explained it but it's like, are you saying this is angels or are you saying this is magic? Like what
Sean:are you at that exact moment, one of them was being bitten by a radioactive spider. Oh,
Andy:is that, what was the subtext? That's how they changed brains. What happens to the dog's brain? Why is what happens to the dog's soul? The dog
Sean:wakes up in Peter Boyle's body in the grave. I see. I think episode three was gonna be like, the Umma Thurman scene in Kill Bill, where Uhhuh, she punches her way out through the grave and he was gonna come back.
Andy:I mean, I gotta tell you right off the bat, if this show is about, George Newborn and his actual Peter Boyle partner who thinks he's a dog, Much better show
Sean:the funniest to hear the voice of a bulldog coming out of Peter Boyle's body. just Peter Boyle walking around going,
Andy:I mean, I heard the dog was pushing for this because he really wanted an easy gig where he could, you know, make some cash.
Sean:I know, I know. He found the hillside strangle
Andy:Well that sounds immoral. What, how are you in this relationship with the prostitute
Sean:I get it. You don't like shrimp and
Andy:pineapple pizza. never even heard of that as a thing. So then,
Sean:so then we're in the cemetery.
Andy:It's a weird bulldog voice. You chose Sounds like he's underwater by the way, since we're talking about the bulldog voice. Yeah. And all the bad adr. There's also. Weird breathing. Put, it's like the sound department. This is why I think that they never even completed post. Right. It's like they have kind of little sounds that the, that the dog's making, but then weird breathing that's going on Peter Boyle while the dog is talking, it's like nothing seems like it's even in sync. Yeah. I mean, I would
Sean:have notes if they were making it now. Yeah. I would get into it with them guys. Can we talk about the sound
Andy:for a second? That's the, that's the big problem we have to fix here. We need to get into,
Sean:so we're in the cemetery. George Newborn is mourning the death of his partner. Yeah. Because even though they'd only been together for a month, this is the rock solid relationship he has the, the one that he was trying to end when he went to see the captain moments before this incident happened. It's true. His the most important relat. In
Andy:his life. Yeah. He also calls back to it later, the effect. It's, oh, it's, he's, well in fairness, maybe he's just saying it's more that his partners turned, turned into a dog, but I feel like he was also saying, I just lost my partner. Yeah, he was, yeah. In a sad way. It's interesting also that even though he is only known him a month, he's, everyone's sort of, you know, on either side of him, sort of crowded around as though to support It's his loss Yeah. Than anybody else. That's true.
Sean:Um, it would've been nice to see the prostitute in that moment looking for somebody to arm wrestle Although the arm wrestling thing
Andy:doesn't come up till later. Yeah. So people would've been like, what's going on? Like a retro, this doesn't make sense unless now I get it arm wrestle. Unless you've established that she wants to arm wrestle that, that's her thing.
Sean:and, and so newborn hears fuss, he's voice and it blows his mind because how could Bachinski still be around? And he realizes that the dog. Is talking
Andy:because he says to him, it's your partner, Kinski Surprise.
Sean:End of act
Andy:one is like, we got it. That's don't even just cut away. What are you gonna do after that?
Sean:And he is, he is in fact, surprised in that
Andy:moment. Who wouldn't be, not me. I mean, if, if, if not by the fact that your partner was resurrected as a dog, that your partner was resurrected as a dog with weird, cold, dead dollies, and an unhinged mouth. this is the other fascinating thing that it's like the lack of craft. Like, you know, that, that animatronic dog. I understand you don't have, are you saying the dog was not real Shawn has trouble spotting bad effects. It's, it's like, you know, this is gonna be your centerpiece. Take a little more time on
Sean:it. Look, we did it with Bruce and Jaws. It worked great. this is gonna be fantastic.
Andy:But we didn't see Jaws, we didn't see Bruce until the third act. Well, this
Sean:one's different we get to the good stuff
Andy:faster. Um, but the other thing is in terms of tonality, he's like, again, there's no joining part. And I understand, I, I even kind of respect that. It's like, okay, we're just gonna get to the cut to the chase. He's like, he's already the dog. He's already adjusted to being the dog. But it's like, there's no explanation of why he feels okay with. It's like he says well, what's wrong with being a dog? I'm, you know, it's, you know, this I can take, can take a nap? Take a nap, stronger.
Sean:I can jump on women and harass them in a way that I couldn't when I was a human being. Very
Andy:upsetting, But then he is like, later it's this modeling thing of like, it's sinking in I a dog. And it's like, what, what are you upset? What's, what's going on? And we don't know enough about him to start with for any of this to make sense.
Sean:Well, and a couple other things about the scene. First of all, this is the scene where they explain what happened, how he became reincarnated in the body of the dog. Right. And all it was was there was a tunnel. Yes. Relatives were waving to me. Right. And I was in the body of a dog. Like so, there's nothing to that that makes any sense. Right. And I don't even know when he says my relatives were waving to me. I assume that. His human relatives,
Andy:except that then the relatives are like here boy. Here boy. Right. So it's like, wait, when you're going toward the light, are you the dog or are hu Bachinski?
Sean:I will say, I have two cousins who call me that way Here, boy, here boy. And I don't care for it, but they get a
Andy:big kick. They're not even, they're not even staying consistent with the character's own story about how he went to the light. Right.
Sean:but the other thing about this scene that's very important is that this is where the story of the pilot kicks in Right? Which is I'm gonna lick myself and then I'm gonna catch my killer. Uh, so now we know we're off. We know the rest of the episode is gonna be about him catching his killer, and there's gonna be clues along the way, and he's gonna figure things out and he's gonna just cut you out. Sure. Maybe look at a lineup. Right. Look at some
Andy:fingerprints. Right. And is it gonna be maybe, a parody of a cop show or a real cop show? It's unclear so far, but one of those two things For
Sean:sure. Absolutely. It's gotta be about the hunt for the killer. That's what is happening here. and then we go into the station where, McKay is trying to get away with bringing Bachinski in and,
Andy:and he says, I'm back. Yeah. And that's raises a question to me of like, how long has he been gone?
Sean:Yeah. Which becomes important later. We'll get to that in a little while. but McKay goes in to see the captain because he wants to be assigned to the case of catching Bachinski s killer. And while Mcca does that, Bachinski hops on the dispatcher that he was into from the beginning of the episode. And
Andy:see, that's good writing. They set up that he was interested in her right from the first voice. That's probably why they added That was added in post the, the beginning. Voiceover. Yeah. Because they were like, well, how do we know nowhere? Yeah. We have to show that Bachinsky in both his, his versions were, it's humping a woman.
Sean:But that doesn't just happen. There needs to be a setup, a motivation of some sort for why a dog would behave that way.
Andy:it seems like he's going farther than just humping her too, which is, well, that
Sean:was, yeah, again, I was like, oh, I get it. The dog is, you know, being slightly inappropriate. And then we come back and they're basically about to have sex
Andy:on the floor. Yes. Yes. He's pushing her out of her chair onto the floor
Sean:and
Andy:just going for it. Yes, and it's. what, what is the spitballing when you're coming up with this bit
Sean:Can we get an actress who can fall over backwards
Andy:without hurt? It's just, it's just technical issues and it just like, it sound like the practical shooting of, of how to make that bit because obviously the bit itself, no questions there. Don't, yeah, no. No issue.
Sean:No. This is the classic dog tries to have sex with a woman in the middle of an office. Yeah. Which I mean basically is one step short of Bazooka Joe comedy, you know, that's not fair to bazooka
Andy:Joe. Yeah.
Sean:so the captain doesn't want to let McKay back on the case.
Andy:also, why is the captain suddenly friend? Oh, yes. Because his partner died. That's why he is all friendly. I guess
Sean:maybe. He just got one of those sweet residual checks from 48 hours
Andy:He just realized, why am I doing this? He's just in a better mood. It could be. Oh,
Sean:I see. It's upbeat. Have, if you have SAG after, you know sag at that time, you get, you know, maybe the check came through the guaranteed him health insurance for the
Andy:year 48. Aris plays on TV a lot. Yeah.
Sean:so just brilliant, brilliant physical comedy,
Andy:you know, so upsetting.
Sean:and then speaking of physical comedy, McKay brings Bachinsky to his domicile. They go, they go back to his house, Uhhuh and he gets very caught up in the leash while he's on his way into the front door trips and falls. Into the
Andy:apartment. Sure, sure.
Sean:Which, I mean, which is just a foreshadowing of trouble to come
Andy:not so much trouble that it's interesting, but, no, but we know where
Sean:this is going. Things are gonna be rocky between them. Uh, he gets on the elevator at one point and there's a lady
Andy:there, Amy Yazbek
Sean:from pretty Woman Is she? She is in Pretty
Andy:Woman. Oh, I can't, she's a, she's a sitcom, stalwart.
Sean:but she is clearly interested in McKay. Yeah, McKay is obtuse. Doesn't get it.
Andy:Well, he does get it because he said, when Bachinski is asking him, do you, do you have a lady? And he's sort of like, I do. There's a neighbor. There's a neighbor, and he's basically not going out with her or has even been on a date with her. He is interested in her. Right. And yet, you're right. It is sort of more played like he's either disinterested or not aware of the interests.
Sean:It's also weird because in the elevator she's clearly an attractive woman, but she has a daughter who is 10 or 11 years old. So you go, well, there's probably, you know, the dad is probably at work, so how can this work out between McKay and her if there's already a husband involved? But. She, you're
Andy:so bourgeois, Sean. You know, every relationship can be defined in many different ways. It's different types. it's much more
Sean:conventional back then. And you weren't allowed to be in a variety of relationships
Andy:all at the time. Time. I mean, I did. Interestingly, it didn't bump me because I was just sort of assumed, oh, well, she must be single. He's a, he's been established as a, a moral, upstanding, moral person in the firm. What
Sean:I'm saying is they did not feel like that was a
Andy:No, you're right. That's fair. We
Sean:have her say, I know what it's like to lose somebody close to you.
Andy:Uhhuh Uhhuh
Sean:So we know that he has lost his partner and she can relate because she has lost her husband. Right. She's a widow. She's available, she is open.
Andy:Oh, no. To the business in the top scene. She, she is described as a widower. She is, yes. And I think the bachinski. has some joke that's not clear about it. And then George Newborn said it's not like that. And I wasn't sure what he meant by, it's not like that. Oh. I just thought it was like, I guess the idea being like he's swooping in, but
Sean:she had to say, I know what it's like to lose somebody. I thought that was exposition, but I guess maybe that was just a joke.
Andy:See, you're not giving enough credit to this script. It's a lot of, there's a lot of attentiveness and, detail and uh, and place setting.
Sean:We need something hilarious about how she lost her husband. I know what it's like to lose somebody close
Andy:to you. That's it. We got it. Everybody go
Sean:home. Wouldn't that be somebody who's like sitting next to you on the bus? I said go
Andy:home. Uh, and then the dog ties them up in the leash. Right. which is, you know, he's trying to help. He's trying to, you know, give his, his human buddy a little backup through this whole sequence. Right. And he's also, which by the way also doesn't track with what we know about Bachinski,
Sean:but he does remind McKay that he's a cop, not a dog. And he mentions yet again that he is the one who caught the hill office bomber and the post hill
Andy:strangler. I think you have those wrong, Sean. I
Sean:dunno. but then again, there's that classic comedy bit where he kicks the dog out of the apartment and the dog goes on the elevator and there is a guy on the elevator, so caught up in reading his newspaper. Now, who doesn't like to get into the sports pages while you're on an elevator? In a six story building for sure. you want to whip that thing out and just take a look and see what the box scores say and who beat who last night and what's going on in the Middle East, you know? And so this guy is reading his paper so carefully that he doesn't realize a dog is the one who asked him to press five. So funny,
Andy:distance. And
Sean:we later find out that the reason he wanted to go to five was so he could set things up with the widow Yep. And bring her up to, McKay's apartment. So all of a sudden we're back in and meanwhile, I am sitting there and I'm going, what are they doing to solve Bachinski s murder?
Andy:Right. He was so, he was so focused on it. That's all he wanted. This is a 21 minute pilot. One, one thing that's fascinating is it's 21 minutes. A lot happens and there's so many dead spots, there's so many moments where it's just like, oh, what? Come on, move it along. It's like 21 minutes. How am I saying that? In a 21 minute pilot, I
Sean:watched it twice and both times it seemed intern Like it wasn't even just the second time. It was the first
Andy:time to, it's really an accomplishment. Yeah.
Sean:so they're
Andy:there for dinner. I will say. I like Amy Abe's hat. Uhhuh. It's a nice hat. It's a very nineties hat.
Sean:Can't beat a good hat, you know? Yep. So the mother and the daughter, they're,
Andy:it does seem like the, the wardrobe department dressed everyone down to the dangerous criminals like they were in the Sears catalog, so I assume a nice summer hat was more, you know, up the, up the wardrobe. right. they were like, let's designers perspective. Yeah. Right. Yeah. This is, this is, this is my, my alley. Let's
Sean:just do one thing. Bob. Can, can I have one moment to shine, please. I've been doing costumes for 20 years, and all I do is put people in shirts and pants. Give me one hat, please.
Andy:I like to think that she thinks, or he thinks, or they think that they were from the streets and they're like, I know how criminals look. give me a bright blue windbreaker and a bright blue button down.
Sean:But there's a, there's a great line here as well. Another really funny, joke line, the daughter says to McKay Isn't it lucky we found Stanley and brought him back and the cop, McKay says, I thought I would never see him again. Like, you could take that a couple of different ways, you know, like he was worried or he was excited about it, you know? Yep. It's ambivalent. It's an ambivalent line, which I found, gave me a hardy chuckle.
Andy:The other thing is he, they argue, he leaves the apartment, he comes right back to the apartment. Yeah. Is like a portion of the whole thing. Right. Uh, we're taking time with that.
Sean:So Bachinsky tries to create a moon by, I, I guess they must have just somehow gotten the rights to
Andy:a version of Well, that shocked me, based on the shininess of every aspect of this pilot that they sprung for everybody needs somebody sometime. Is that Dean Martin? Yeah. Yeah.
Sean:So they got Dino on the box. Yeah. Because
Andy:Bachinsky wants to set up, maybe 20th has the rights to it. Oh, maybe that's what it was. Because they Century Fox over and over again. Yeah. Over the course of the episode. Right. Or maybe Dean Martin has, I'm a big fan of shows with dogs
Sean:Um, so he gets pissed that Bachinski is setting the mood. He locks him in the bedroom. Buttinski goes crazy on his down comforter. Yep. There's all kinds of noise and curfuffle. And then we have the heartbreaking scene.
Andy:I mean, this is the meat at the show, this scene, it's really
Sean:self-reflective. And I say that not just because there's a big mirror in the room that he's looking at himself in, but because he's really feeling the fact that he is a dog for the first time. It's
Andy:sinking in. I mean, drawing the, the line between when he is like. It's your partner surprise and him like looking in the window with like this modeln music playing and, and just, just this slow you know, just like, oh, look at me. It's all sinking in. I'm a dog.
Sean:I used to have hair on my back, but this is ridiculous.
Andy:Then they keep going for that. Yeah, they undercut it. I mean, that's a good joke. I mean, sure. Can't argue with
Sean:that. I mean, yeah. Uh, and that's, that's I guess where he talks about his Claire and how they used to stay home in Arm Russell, that's where he brings that up.
Andy:He had a real connection to her. We thought it was, it was just, about sex or, or, and, and I think oppression. This
Sean:is, this is also This is also where the true message of the pilot comes out, which is, and, and I found this very inspiring. You know, he's like, I'm a dog now. I'm a dog. I don't wanna be a dog. Whatever. And McKay is the one who comes through with the message, which is, yes, you're a dog, but it is light. That's right. You are alive. That's right. Isn't that
Andy:wonderful? Right. But what about the dog itself? Where did the dog go? Where did the dog's soul go? That's a separate show. Well, I feel bad. I feel like I stole the dog's
Sean:body. Look, we know that all dogs go to heaven, so
Andy:we don't need to worry about that. That is true. I definitely would not have gone to heaven. Yeah, I mean, I'm, I'm a real piece of shit. Tell you how I coerced the prostitute in our re that's the least of my crimes with threat of arrest. Sometimes I've become a dog. It's all sinking in now. I'm a dog, but at least I can
Sean:lick myself so, There's apparent, I, I didn't, I, I guess I feel like I missed something because I did not see a resolution to the story with the neighbor. Did they?
Andy:What, what happened? No, I think they're just, that's, they're just setting us up.
Sean:They're still looking in the kitchen when we go out of that scene. Yeah, I believe so. So we don't even know if they ended up eating dinner. Did they burn the food? Was there something delicious? Did they have to call for takeout?
Andy:Sean, there's so many complex storylines we have to set up in this pilot. We don't have time to, we do wanna leave a
Sean:pilot with a lot of possibilities of where you can go from here.
Andy:There
Sean:you go. Episode two could start with them in the kitchen going, do you
Andy:smell something burning? To be honest with you, I don't even have a problem. Because I think there is a mod, a lot of modern, you know, sort of in premium television there is a lot of like, they'll just draw with a light, you know, brush stroke. Okay, there's this character, there's this character, and yes, setting stuff up. The problem is everything they tell us about every character in every situation conflicts with something else that they told us about that character in that situation.
Sean:I would also argue that there were several beats of that story as if it was going somewhere. In other words, the neighbor lives upstairs, she doesn't have a husband, she wants to be with you. She's coming over for dinner. She's cooking dinner here in the other room. End of story.
Andy:You're right, they didn't, it wasn't a light brushstroke. They spent a lot of time setting it up.
Sean:If we come back to the next episode and it's the pizza delivery guy going, I remember you guys from the stakeout and I need to tell you about something terrible that's going on in the city, right? There's a guy going around from post office to post office setting off bombs, right? I'm with it. Like, I'm like, okay, we saw that guy in the pilot. It set up that he has some kind of other life going on. He's o he has an obligation to that because they tipped him well. Right. So he's coming in to help out the police, but with her, it wasn't like we just drop in on this woman and then never see her again in the pilot. It's like we're setting up a bunch of stuff. Right. And then there's no
Andy:payoff to it. No. It really feels like a hasty script. Mm-hmm. and I understand, is it, you got Peter Boyle involved? Is it, was there some kind of directive that they were trying to, you know, we need a, we need an Alf. Like kind of, but it's like Alf elf. Hes cats, he's sarcastic to the family. His, his storyline, you know, the characterization is very well defined.
Sean:Peter, it's your age and I got a script for you. But I don't want you to read it
Andy:just do it. That's fine. Just send me into, onto the set and I won't do any shots of me getting into a car.
Sean:Can they give me cue cards so I don't have to read it ahead of time? yeah, because I mean, I don't know if we want to get into all the, like the a story versus the B story stuff, but it's like, there's two separate episodes here. One is about the police, you know, solving the crime, and the other is about having the date with the
Andy:woman. I mean, it's, if you count his existential crisis, of his first joy, then existential crisis about being a dog, right?
Sean:Um, so anyway, we're out of that. And now we're back on the street.
Andy:Right. This is where this show really thrives. I mean, that's where it comes alive for sure.
Sean:It's, it's born on the street, br on the street and ready to, ready to rock and roll. and, and
Andy:McKay. And this is, is that a boy to men? Lurk? What's that? Is that a boy to men? Lurk,
Sean:No, 98 degrees. Um, we're, we're, we're, we're back on the street, and this was the most interesting moment in the entire pilot to me. We see McKay walking up the street and he, for some reason, and I watched this twice, and I was like, what is happening right now? He very specifically and intently checks the mailbox as he walks by Uhhuh and then continues on and they're waiting for the ATM strangler or whatever the guys call, right? So why is he checking the mailbox? What's the significance?
Andy:you know, the thing that they didn't establish is the mailbox killer actually is at, is loose. Again, that was a whole other, the post plot. Post office bomber. Post office bomber. Yes. Sorry. Was there a mailbox
Sean:killer as well?
Andy:that was the, that was the dlot with the mailbox killer. I, ironically, unrelated to the post office, uh, Gary, we can't bomber the
Sean:final beat of the most of,
Analogue 1 + 2 (Focusrite USB Audio) - 1-1:of
Andy:the mailbox killer out. This is an outrage except the rest of how am I supposed to, how am I supposed to make a good pilot?
Sean:It's just a continuous shot, though. We can't
Andy:get rid of it. I would think it would be a huge explanation if it was like, well, this was originally an hour, and then they were like, you know, we're short, or let's try and sell this as a sitcom, so let's cut out all the things that made this make sense. Except all the beats that they would've wanted to do seem to be in this. Yeah. Yeah. I have no idea why he looks in the. It's
Sean:very strange because it is such a deliberate action of his on the way up the
Andy:street. Such an weird lack of attention to every detail. Does it strike, does it, does it smack of drugs, of cocaine, of something involved that just made this, like every person not be attentive to anything in this process. I I, I mean, people
Sean:say shit like that all the time. Yeah. About stuff that was written. And I just, I don't, I feel like the process is too complicated for it to just be like, the writers were on cocaine. The executives were on cocaine, the actors were on cocaine. Nobody caught
Andy:anything. I'm not saying everybody.
Sean:Everybody except Phil. Phil was the only one who was going on. guys, we might want to take a look at this.
Andy:I'm saying if Lon Diamond was the showrunner, and perhaps I'm assigning blame to him in an unfair Waylon, feel free to call into the tip line. Um, it's not what it is. but you know, whoever was responsible, the, the visionary I'm saying that that person was just like pushing the thing forward. Right. and that was ignoring all senses and notes and comments. You're saying
Sean:that person was on cocaine?
Andy:Possibly. Yeah. I mean, or was going through a bad time in their lives, or,
Sean:or was smoking crack? I mean, this was 1990 was the beginning
Andy:of the cracking. I mean, that is fair.
Sean:Yeah. So it was a cheaper way to get that kind of stimulus. but I don't know. I mean, I just have heard the drugs thing about so many
Andy:things. It's a hacky Yeah. Critique for for sure. I guess I'm just, just be that
Sean:these people were not great at their jobs and didn't,
Andy:what I'm interested in is at what point, whether it's 20th Century Fox or, or NBC was the network, I think it was nbc. at what point they were like, all right, screw this, whatever, this is insane. Forget about, they couldn't have because they put it on the air. I'm not saying they picked it up, but they at least thought it was enough co legitimate content to put it in front of people. but I guess I'm curious what the process was of like, cuz it does feel like at a certain point everybody was like, it doesn't make any difference. This is a piece of crap. And I'm curious what that process was.
Sean:And what's great is that Peter Boyle was like that film. The moment he stepped on
Andy:set, it does seem like the most, oh, maybe he was, maybe, that cop was looking for, uh, Peter Boyle's, uh, performance in that mailbox.
Sean:it hasn't gotten to him. The new postmaster general is really slowing things down. Uh, so they do in fact roll up on the, or they don't roll up. They're just sitting in the right place at the right time of the atm, uh,
Andy:robber. Well, that's the other crazy thing, just coincidence. Mm-hmm. and the dog smells him and therefore knows that it's him, that guy. Right? Right.
Sean:and then they, they chase him down. Bachinski bites his crotch, but makes it clear that he did not enjoy that. Yeah. Because you don't want anybody thinking that Budinski loves
Andy:licking balls. No. Just, just, harassing and, forcing himself on women. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. If he can
Sean:get some boobies, he's on board. Right. If he has to chomp his chompers down on some balls, no. He'll do it. But it is not fun. Right. You know,
Andy:he'll sacrifice because you'd lose the sympathies of, the, heterosexual males in the audience if, if they saw to be upset by this. Right. Yeah.
Sean:the two people watching the show,
Andy:the way he is dressed though, the way that criminal is dressed is one of the most baffling thing. I just can't, the way he's dressed the, the ca he seems old.
Sean:Yeah. It's like, who is this person that they cast? Or
Andy:again, it's like, it really does seem like a favor. The kid and this guy really? This
Sean:is Teddy's brother-in-law. Yeah. We need to put Teddy's brother-in-law in this. I
Andy:also wondered if he was maybe the, maybe the stunt man and they were like, we can save money by just having the guy be the, for the, for the crash scene. For, for the criminal. Well the guy, the ATM guy is also the stunt man and they just never cast a guy. Cuz he doesn't Does he have lines? No. So he doesn't have any lines. So it's just, just make the stunt man, the guy, the criminal. But you're saying
Sean:the stunt man for. uh, Budinski gets slaughtered by
Andy:the car. For any of this, the fight scene, I assume that there's, there's some stunt man that's involved for the fight scene. It's also, they also established that George Newborn is a terrible fighter in addition to, uh, right. Like they do some things to, you know, have your, your character be good at their job. But George, George newborn is terrible. I mean, he is a newborn.
Sean:Um, and then, oh, here's one more thing, which is they're at home. They're eating popcorn. He's sticking his snout into the, is it a snout? What do you call it? Underdog?
Andy:It seems Trunk. It's not a trunk, that's for sure. it's an elephant. Naz, yeahs possible. It's kiss
Sean:his beak. He's sticking his beak in the popcorn.
Andy:He's partaking, he's getting his beak wet in the popcorn. If there's enough butter, it's not, you know, come on.
Sean:And he's very concerned about watching a horse race because he has money on the ninth race at Arlington right now. This show takes place over an extended period of time. I mean, when we come in on the apartment at the end when they're eating popcorn, when he has popcorn in his nostrils, yeah. There's a photo of the captain and George newborn and bachinski with metals around their necks. Right. Because that, which is what happens when you catch an ATM thief is you get, you get a medal of all. I mean, I think that's the presidential medal of freedom. but there's a picture of all of them. So there's been
Andy:time. Yeah. There's no, no digital photography.
Sean:There's been time to take the f to have the ceremony. Yeah. To get the medals cast. I'm assuming they're cast in brass. That's what you make good medals out of. Okay. To
Andy:cast the medals. Sean has a lot of medals.
Sean:They're right there. and to take a photo, to get the photo developed, to get it framed, to bring it back to the apartment. And meanwhile, Budinski has money on one horse race that he has to have placed the bet on before he turned into a dog. Correct? Correct.
Andy:Not to mention. what is he gonna do with it? get the money.
Sean:If he wins,
Andy:if he, if he wins the money rent, I guess he could get some dog snacks or whatever.
Sean:He can, he can continue to pay for his other apartment, which was an issue at one point in the pilot. Like, I'm not gonna keep paying for my apartment if I'm not living there anymore. Right. So maybe that would help with that. Or maybe he can give some of it to
Andy:George Newborn, so maybe it adds up a little bit
Sean:more. But I'm just saying that's not how horse racing works. You don't place bets on horse racing in months
Andy:in advance. And this is where the pilot lost you. I, I
Sean:was up until this moment was fine with it. And then when they had that lot, like, I know we all hate the people on the internet who find logic holes and go, oh, this doesn't make any sense. And you're like, come on dude, it's the lord of the Rings. It's fine. You know? Right. But this was too much. It was like, this makes no
Andy:sense. I mean, I'm, I'm with you. is there a moment you to say, again, I just really wanna underline this, one of the worst animatronic puppets of all time, like the, the technology was like Rick Baker would, just show up to set, see that thing and punch every single person in the face. I, I
Sean:will say it was terrible. It was such a bad animatronic that I didn't even realize it was a, it was a puppet, you know?
Andy:Yes. You also as, yes, of course, you're on record, you have. You have a lot of trouble telling the difference between an animatronic and a and a real.
Sean:Make a good animatronic. Make sure we know that it's an animatronic Otherwise, what's the point of
Andy:spending all that money If you had gone in the opposite direction, a different direction, you had just made it like an alike puppet. So like clearly a puppet, right? That's the tone of the show. There's no molin, like it's finally sinking in. I'm a dog, just like I had hair
Sean:on my back. This is ridiculous.
Andy:Just make it fully comedic. Do you think it would have, it wouldn't have been good, but do you think it would've been acceptable then at least? I mean, I
Sean:wanna say yes, but I'm gonna say no. All right. It would've stayed as not good as it was I spent the last 40 years trying to lick my own balls. Now it's
Andy:too easy. So on a scale of good to not good, you, you're saying it still would've ranked not good?
Sean:Yeah. I mean if it, it feels like there's not a lot in between those two. No. so it would not have been good. Puts it squarely in not good.
Andy:Yeah, it's true.
Sean:It would've been interesting to see it that way. And I did see it as I was doing all the research I do for these things, some article about how it's time to do a reboot of bachinsky. Like it would be better now because, which I agree with because You know, why do we want to come up with new ideas or new stuff, more interesting things rather than reboot stuff
Andy:that didn't work the first time. I think you could, I mean, it's, it's an insane premise, but if it really was like underlying it and doing it in a meta way, and, you know, and you know, the effects weren't. s you know, you, you certainly could do, do it effects wise in an appropriate way. Now, is it digital? Yeah, I would say all d just have Peter
Sean:Boyle acting against somebody who's wearing a skin, skin
Andy:type suit. Yeah. You put all those, all those motion dots on Peter Boyle. I'm sure he would be down for it.
Sean:Oh, I I was saying it would be somebody else. Yeah, you're right. It's him as the dog. So you would Yeah,
Andy:yeah. No, you wanna get that performance.
Sean:I was gonna, I was thinking we could get him in the circus to
Andy:be the dog Sure. Andy Circus would be down.
Sean:Uh, so that's it. That's bachinski in a nutshell. Anything else you want to bring up about this
Andy:thing? None. Nothing. Not a thing. It's finally sinking in.
Sean:If anybody has ideas about why he was checking the mailbox, I, I feel like I must have missed something. You know, there has to be some clue in there as to why he's doing. Because it's so
Andy:specific. Is it something preceding, you know, maybe they're looking for clues or something. That's what
Sean:I'm saying, like if it was there I missed it both times. Yeah. you, you're saying, are they looking for clues about where the ATM killer is? Yes, it does. He think that that, does he think the mailbox is sort of like an atm? Is he just robbing people who go near anything in the shape of a box of some sort?
Andy:See, now we do have to get in touch with George Newborn, find out why he did that. Yeah. It could have been just a choice on his. Yeah. Just like, you know what, just do things. I need some business to try and, you know, feel, comfortable in the scene.
Sean:Maybe he was, his character had mailed a letter the day before. You know how you, you become O C D about, like I put it, I pulled the thing and I put the, I put the letter, the envelope in the mailbox. I pulled the, the door of the mailbox out, put the letter in and then you always look to see if it actually went down. Oh yeah. Yeah. So maybe he had mailed something the day before in his mind. His character had mailed something the day before and was walking by and was like, did it go into the molds? That's my, that's my gas check. And I can't afford not to pay that because they'll cut off the gas and I won't be able to cook when the widow comes
Andy:over or whatever. I feel certain that that exactly was what was intended. I can't believe I figured that. I gotta say George. No. Newborn. No. No. look, nobody rises the level of good performance except for, you know, maybe Frank McRay. Even him, it's sort of subpar for, for what he's capable of. But it's, he's
Sean:also doing something he's done a million times before.
Andy:Yes. But, uh, he's really got the gun pointed at him the whole episode. Like it's, he's working against so much and he's kinda, he's okay in it. Yeah, he pulls it
Sean:off. Yeah. I can see why they cast him in. Father with a bride
Andy:three. That was him, wasn't it? Mm-hmm. Yeah. was he not in the other ones? He was, he was in all of them. you're just saying why they brought him back again for, I get why
Sean:they put him in the third one as well.
Andy:Interesting.
Sean:Uh, okay. Well that's, that's bachinski for you. tune in next time when we get into more Hijinks.
Andy:Thanks everybody.
That's our show folks. Thank you so much for listening. We will be releasing episodes of this podcast on the first and third Sunday of each month going forward. So look forward to that. Also follow us on social media. At copilots TV. And if you're wondering where to watch the pilots that we're discussing, just check the show notes. We'll always have some indication of where you'll be able to find any of the pilots we watch, even the more obscure ones. And you like our show or do you love our show? Uh, if you could give us a five star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, it would be incredibly helpful to us. Uh, we're a new, just sad and sweaty, struggling, failing podcast. That's not how I see it. I think we're doing fine. Okay. Well, we each have our own perspective. Uh, and if you do give us that five star review, you will get your pilot's wings. We're also going to read a couple of these reviews. In each episode to express our gratitude. So you're going to send me wings in the, in the mail or how, how am I going to get these wings? Oh, you're not, you know, we're not sending or doing anything. We're incredibly lazy, but you can print out your own if you want, uh, on a 3d printer or, uh, you know, send away to some kind of mercantile, uh, company. I don't even know what that means. Uh, what if I hate your show? If you hate our show, Sean, you can also just leave us five stars, uh, on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and you're in, doesn't matter what you write, you can write anything you want in the comment. And you might read my comment, even if I write something incredibly negative. I mean, if it's funny. Or, you know, if we're just feeling incredibly bad about ourselves that day. Sure. Great. That sounds fair. So that's it. That's the end of our first show. Thank you all for joining us. Uh, we are coming in for a landing. We don't, I don't know if they're final sign off catchphrase yet.